Last weekend my daughter, Kestrel, and I went to a rock climbing gym together for the first time since COVID began. How did it go? Read on…
Where’s my daughter Kestrel? … Did that woman just jump on the boulder next to her? … Are they six feet apart? … Maybe the routes only look close because I’m looking down from above … Wow, there’s a lot of chalk on these holds. Wait, what was the research on chalk and germs again?
At the gym last weekend, it took all of 10 seconds for these anxiety-fueled thoughts to flash through my mind. Historically I’ve loved climbing because it quiets those voices. I’m able to focus on movement and being in the moment and my friends/family at the gym or crag.
COVID has changed all that. Now there’s an anxious voice drowning out the rest. Instead of finding flow and connection at the gym (and almost everywhere else), I find myself clenching my jaw, getting frustrated easily, and having a hard time focusing. I may not be the only one.
With our lives opening back up, it seems like we might be able to go back to “normal.” But that’s not how it seems to be working for me or for my kids. Last weekend, my climbing session that usually lasts 20 minutes due to my physical limits as a “mature” athlete was closer to 2 minutes because I felt like I couldn’t breath and I wasn’t having fun.
As we continue to deal with COVID, what can we do to support anxiety in ourselves, our kids, and each other? Here are some ideas:
- Check in with yourself: I know that when I have difficulty focusing or my temper is short, this is a signal that my anxiety is high. What are your anxiety red flags? What are your kids’ anxiety red flags? Help your kids practice stopping for a moment and checking in with themselves. You may have to start by modeling this behavior yourself.
- Name it: The whirlwind of thoughts I shared at the start of this article were red flags. The earth that is supporting these flags is named ANXIETY. Instead of doom-scrolling the science of chalk dust and Covid, I needed to name the emotion that is triggering this behavior. Use this language to share your emotions with your family. For example, I could have said, “Kestrel, I am feeling a bit anxious. I haven’t climbed in a gym since March and it is a bit overwhelming for me right now.”
- Toolbox: Time to self regulate! “Kestrel I am feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed. I need to go outside and take a mask break for a minute.” It would have been great if I did and said that, instead I pretended my husband called and we needed to get back home because he needed the van.
In myself and with the students I work with in private practice and as a school-based SEL specialist, I am are working to help identify the way irrational thoughts affect behavior, and lead to actions that may not be in our best interest. And as you can tell, both in myself and with many of the young people I work with, this is a work in progress. It starts with awareness: Awareness that we can’t spring right back to the “normal” we were before; awareness that we may need to be kind with ourselves and others as we undertake the process of integrating the COVID experience; awareness that we have experienced a trauma that will take time to understand. Now is the time to start this process. I hope you will join me.
Dr. Pikiewicz earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Carpinteria, CA. She completed pre-doctoral training at the Nan Tolbert Nurturing Center in Ojai, CA, and her post-doctoral internship at the Boulder Institute for Psychotherapy and Research. At both sites, Dr. Pikiewicz worked with a range of adult, adolescent and child clients in individual, couple, family and group settings. She also holds a B.S. in environmental science from Allegheny College and a teaching credential from Western Washington University.
